MEANDERINGS & MUSINGS

I struggle to allow myself to let feelings exist and recognize them. During my session this week, I shared an event with my therapist that was still weighing on me quite heavily. It brought up all of these feelings and thoughts within me that took me by surprise. My therapist pointed out that it's okay that I had all of those feelings. I should label them and acknowledge them. I can decide how I want to react to them. She suggested I recognize in that moment that it's okay to

I would like to just be "OK" with myself. The deeper I dig and really think about it, I realize I haven't been "OK" with myself for awhile. I can't pinpoint anything that led to me feeling the way I do about myself. There are times I wish I could. If I could point to a situation and name it as the reason behind my poor self-image that might be better. I just know it's rooted in fear. To the best of my recollection, it set in early in college. I wasn't playing competitive spor

I shut down when I feel overwhelmed. When I can't express myself, I feel frustrated and my body reacts. My ears fill up and get warm, my cheeks warm up, my head hurts, my jaw tightens, and I can't make eye contact. It's worse if the other person tries to get me to open up. I feel pushed to express myself, and the problem is that I can't do that. My therapist told me it might help to understand what's going on in my system. She said she thinks I go into hyperarousal - my prefr

I read an article the other day about helping your children sort through feelings and the word "self-compassion" was used. The idea of teaching my boys to show themselves grace or compassion is one I am familiar with. We have discussions about making mistakes (we all do, and you're not learning if you're not making mistakes). I want my boys to know they're fallible and to embrace that. I want them to feel okay with being imperfect. I want them to know that it's okay if someth

There are times when I feel so many things, people, thoughts, emotions control me, that I really have no control over myself. It's as if so many external factors control me, that I'm not sure who I really am or what I like to do. I had this eye-opening experience about a month ago when David and I were in Sedona. I signed-up for an onsite yoga class where we stayed and ended up being the only person there. I didn't consider leaving, but then again I didn't plan on all of the

I used to not hug and kiss my boys at night when they were already asleep. I don't know why, but I imagine it had to do with my fears - my fears of waking them up, disturbing their peaceful sleep. I did this for a long time. Even if I was gone and they requested I come in for a hug and kiss once I returned, I couldn't do it. I would always tell them I had in the morning, feeling guilty that they believed me. Basically, for most of my boys' childhoods, I have not given them th